You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
