Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
