did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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