Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
