from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
