Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
