Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
