I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
