i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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