I think my fart just growled at me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need to calm my uterus...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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