I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
