Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
