he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
