Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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