I faked an abortion last night.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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