did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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