Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
