she looked like the bat from fern gully.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
