What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
