Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
