i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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