Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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