If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
