she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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