hotel room ftw
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
