I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
