I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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