new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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