Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
