woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
