Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
