Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
