I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
