Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
love makes seman taste better
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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