Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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