I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
