why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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