I cannot find my penis.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
