I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
