I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My ass is underappreciated
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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