If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
