Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
