There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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