people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
