Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
