some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
