Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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