Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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