i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
