There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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